Wednesday 9 January 2008

Friendly Drinks

London pub at night by Damon Hart-DavisTen minutes late as I step off the bus. Right. That probably means I’ll only be waiting about fifteen minutes. Could be worse. Might as well enjoy a cigarette now before I get to the pub. Or should I check in there first? Probably best to check first. Could head off unnecessary problems if the unthinkable has happened and she’s here on time.

Screech of brakes. Jesus, where did that car come from? Apologetic wave, consolatory jog out of the way. Let’s see what we can do about not getting killed today shall we? I’ve got to wake up. Snap out of this. Focus. Right, there’s the pub. Pat the pockets. All present and accounted for. Let’s have a look-see at the money situation. Excellent, a couple of crisp Darwins and change, so no hunting for the elusive non-rip-off cash machine and no card at the bar. Everyone’s happy.

Entering a pub just hasn’t been the same since the ban. All so sterile and stark. Time was when all these fugly-ass people would be shrouded in acrid mystery. Still, no use crying over spilt milk. Focus on the recon. No hidden corners to check so we can just let loose Meerkat-style, crane neck, slight tip-toes, don’t go nuts. Don’t make eye contact randomers, nothing to see here, I’m searching for a specific person. Ok, she’s not here yet. To the bar.

Let’s check the taps. Ah, that’s the one. Friendly tone. Don’t strike up any small talk, you’re too distracted not to end up seeming rude. Cheers, pay, cheers for the change, take your seat. Maybe I should have sat at the one with the paper on it so I could pretend to read and not look like such a loser. Too late now. You’re sitting; it’d just look plain weird to change from one empty table to another. Just do what you always do, take out your phone and delete old text messages.

Ok, that’s that done. Where is she? Stop drinking so fast. What am I doing here anyway? What’s the best that can come of this? ‘I’ve made a mistake’ she’ll say, ‘I want something more.’ And then what? You cave like the dick that you are and experience two more weeks of emotional yoyo hell. Fantastic. Or you could grow a pair and say all the things you wanted to say to her when the dreaded ‘Let’s just be friends’ ball-shriveller was wheeled out last time. Or, more accurately, the things you wanted to say twenty minutes after that happened, as you muttered and fumed your way home.

Crap, there she is. God, she looks good. Stop that. Ok, rise to greet her. What’s going to happen here? Kiss? Hug? Go for the hug. There it is, there’s hugging but she kissed you on the cheek on entry. No matter, you walk away looking daddy-cool. Great. Score one for the hero. So here it is, game face, friend smile, let’s go.

‘Hi...’

By Mark Clarke 2008

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I found it really funny and could really imagine this guy's thought processes - tres good!

Anonymous said...

It is a little thing -- people go through it all the time. But these little things can feel life-altering, no?

David Jackson said...

Agreed. I really like the granular style of this piece - thought after thought. The pace of the comedy is good too.

I also like the fact that it finishes where other stories might start.

Anonymous said...

well done dog, i cant help but feel as though your somehow cashing in from just letting out the secret of "normal man" meeting a bird at a bar.

andy "scouse" hurst

Anonymous said...

Hey Mark - liking your stuff fella - you got anymore on the internet?

Rob Young