Sympathy for the Devil

Every day I sit here and I watch him.

The same time everyday, he goes to the same bench, in the same park and he just sits. Lord knows what he does with the rest of his day, that ain’t my business. Hell, I suppose this here ain’t neither, but damned if I ain’t been watching his sorry ass for so long now. It’s got so as the day just wouldn’t seem right without him.

I ain’t never said nothing to him. I don’t know if he even realises that I’m here. Maybe I’m afraid of him but that ain’t the reason. It just wouldn’t seem right to, I guess.

So he sits there, hunched forward, all intense like. Nobody ever talks to him. People give him a wide berth as they walk by. Most don’t even seem to know why or realise that they’re doing it.

He says nothing, in any case. Does nothing. Yet always there’s this feeling from him, a sense, like as if fire and fury were rolling off of him like I ain’t never felt before.

I remember one time I caught his eye as he was getting up to leave. He barely noticed me looking, didn’t seem to give two hoots anyhow. But when I saw those eyes of his, it damn near chilled me right to the bone. Nary a frown to darken that face of his and still I ain’t never seen rage shine so clear.

But the crazy thing of it was that I felt sorry for the guy, you know? It was like I could see, clear as the morning sun, that he had lost something. Something that he had loved so much, so fully, so completely, that when it was gone he was left with nothing. Nothing but emptiness and anger and hopelessness – knowing that, because of his all-encompassing devotion, he could never again be whole.

And so he comes and he sits and he stares out ahead of him, dead-eyed, sombre and intent.

Who knows what he does with the rest of his time? Hell, who knows what he does when he sits on that bench? What he’s thinking about and such.

I’d like to think that maybe, if I’m right about any of this (after all, I am just another guy on a bench here), I like to think that maybe he tries to remember the good times. Tries to put the loss out of mind for a heartbeat.

I’d like to think that, but hell, if I am right about any of this then I honestly don’t believe that the poor son-of-a-bitch ever could.

And so every day I sit here and I watch him. Because, after all, what else have I got?

By Mark Clarke