I check my bag and make sure I have the slip, even though I know it’s in there. I slam my way out of the house and turn left. I walk down our road. It smells of cat shit. There is a man with two kids walking in front of me. The two kids are skipping and they nearly get me in the eye with their ropes. I know it shouldn't make me angry but it did - just a little bit.
At the end of our road there is a pub called the Kings Arms. I have been in there a few times. I have drank cider with blackcurrant. It’s quite good in there; they sell cheese rolls and pork scratchings. Outside the pub there is an old man, the old man wears a sky blue baseball cap - probably from Marks and Spencer’s c1976. He is also wearing brown trousers that are rolled up to his knees. His legs are so thin I think that they might snap. I can't stop looking at his legs they are so skinny.
I do stop looking at the old man with the sky blue baseball cap and painful legs as there is a flyer on the pavement. Its neon pink so that’s probably why I am attracted to it. I bend down to have a read. Its advertising salsa classes and I wonder what me and the old man would look like dancing salsa together?
At the end of the road there are traffic lights with a Budgens on the right and another pub called Finnegan’s Wake on the left. I have been into Finnegan’s Wake before. I once went on a date with an Australian boy called Sam. We sat by the toilets so that wasn't very good. He was quite dull actually so it didn't go so well. Although we did kiss outside afterwards, well I guess it would have been rude not to.
So at the lights I cross straight over and I am now on a green. I stop at a bench and check my bag for the slip - its still there. I see my cigarettes and think I may as well sit and have one of those. I am watching the cars and hearing some birds. I am thinking about what it would be like to be one of those birds.
I finish the cigarette - which incidentally I didn't enjoy that much because I have a sore throat.
I go down the small road with speed bumps on. Last time I came down here I tripped over one of the bumps and fell on my knees. It was pretty embarrassing I can tell you - but - the good thing was no one saw me. I get to the blue door with a little window on and push. Inside I hand my slip though the glass window. The man takes it from me and gets my parcel. I take the parcel and say thank-you.
I finish the cigarette - which incidentally I didn't enjoy that much because I have a sore throat.
I go down the small road with speed bumps on. Last time I came down here I tripped over one of the bumps and fell on my knees. It was pretty embarrassing I can tell you - but - the good thing was no one saw me. I get to the blue door with a little window on and push. Inside I hand my slip though the glass window. The man takes it from me and gets my parcel. I take the parcel and say thank-you.
By Amy Hughes
2 comments:
Hi Amy,
I like this piece and its meandering prose style. At first I thought that the pace wasn't going to be fast enough but in the end its stream-of-consciousness type approach is endearing and quite funny. The little details make it - the old man dancing salsa and the polite kiss outside the pub.
One thing: I found the first paragraph a little stilted because of all the 'I's but otherwise it flowed nicely.
If this is your first piece in six years, as stated in your email, I'd like to read more!
David
There's a nice meandering train of thought to this piece with a couple of great little observations, like the hat Marks & Spencer c1978 or whatever, that really chimed with me for some reason. As with Dave I think the wandering thought about what the character would look like dancing salsa with the old man is great.
The criticism I have about it would be that at points it veered toward sounding like a kid's 'How I spent my summer' report. For example "At the end of our road there is a pub called the Kings Arms. I have been in there a few times. I have drank cider with blackcurrant." Contractions and joining those two last sentances would sound better to my mind; 'I've been in there a few times drinking cider with blackcurrant.'
Would definitely love to see some more of your work!
Post a Comment