Sylvie (And The Night I Met Your Mother)

Not surprised I feel a bit nervous.

Already I've made a mistake. Spent too long deciding whether to start with items of topical interest or dive straight into the introduction? I eventually decided to dive in with introduction just as the tram leaves the stop I should have got off at. So I`m late, but I`m here.

The agency said she'd meet me at the hotel and if she got there first she would be at the bar and would save me a place. Do a walk past… yes there she is, sitting there with her handbag saving the seat next to her. The only lady… a gloriously lovely single, single lady at a bar stuffed with men who should already be home for tea.

I walk towards her past tables and cubicles with anonymous men and a few anonymous ladies, some in couples but odd ones by themselves pretending to read or playing with their phones.

I`m here, be confident. Say who you are and things will develop… relax.

She sees me move towards the vacant space. Lovely lady moves her handbag and smiles.

“Hello, I’m Heinrich.”

“Hello.” So confident… but with a nice touch of hesitation.

“Hello, I`m Heinrich”…relax.

“I am so pleased to meet you. I am an administrator on the railways and until recently I looked after Mother but now I live by myself”.

She smiles. I hurry on.

“I'm not just an ordinary administrator. I administer all the trains in the south west sector. In good time I have expectations of being the administrator for at least two sectors, a job that would bring a car and a very good pension.”

OK…. a little rushed, but I was nervous. She looks at me… perfect blue (or possibly grey) eyes…I'm in love.

“Perhaps you could reciprocate (relax!) by telling me a little about yourself?”

“Your tables ready” says a man in a suit with a menu in his hand.

“Don't interrupt” was what I am about to say but the words catch in my throat and never make it.

“Thanks Marcel. I'll come through straight away…say hello to Heinrich. He works on the railways.” With that she picks up her drink and is off.

I look around. No one seems to notice me as every part of my being sweats, my skin glows and my chin drops to my chest. No one, that is, apart from the anonymous woman who'd been playing with her phone. She waves. I stand. My legs move. I walk towards her table.

She comes to meet me and holds out her hand. “My name is Sylvie. Are you Heinrich? There were no places at the bar, so I sat here but I have kept you a seat.”

I try to regroup. A hand touches my sleeve. Lovely lady tugs authoritatively. “They've put another seat at my table. I just love railways. Come and tell me exactly what you do.”

Sylvie stares…“Sorry my name's Albrecht,” I whisper.

By James Kruschev

A Little Walk

I check my bag and make sure I have the slip, even though I know it’s in there. I slam my way out of the house and turn left. I walk down our road. It smells of cat shit. There is a man with two kids walking in front of me. The two kids are skipping and they nearly get me in the eye with their ropes. I know it shouldn't make me angry but it did - just a little bit.

At the end of our road there is a pub called the Kings Arms. I have been in there a few times. I have drank cider with blackcurrant. It’s quite good in there; they sell cheese rolls and pork scratchings. Outside the pub there is an old man, the old man wears a sky blue baseball cap - probably from Marks and Spencer’s c1976. He is also wearing brown trousers that are rolled up to his knees. His legs are so thin I think that they might snap. I can't stop looking at his legs they are so skinny.

I do stop looking at the old man with the sky blue baseball cap and painful legs as there is a flyer on the pavement. Its neon pink so that’s probably why I am attracted to it. I bend down to have a read. Its advertising salsa classes and I wonder what me and the old man would look like dancing salsa together?

At the end of the road there are traffic lights with a Budgens on the right and another pub called Finnegan’s Wake on the left. I have been into Finnegan’s Wake before. I once went on a date with an Australian boy called Sam. We sat by the toilets so that wasn't very good. He was quite dull actually so it didn't go so well. Although we did kiss outside afterwards, well I guess it would have been rude not to.

So at the lights I cross straight over and I am now on a green. I stop at a bench and check my bag for the slip - its still there. I see my cigarettes and think I may as well sit and have one of those. I am watching the cars and hearing some birds. I am thinking about what it would be like to be one of those birds.

I finish the cigarette - which incidentally I didn't enjoy that much because I have a sore throat.
I go down the small road with speed bumps on. Last time I came down here I tripped over one of the bumps and fell on my knees. It was pretty embarrassing I can tell you - but - the good thing was no one saw me. I get to the blue door with a little window on and push. Inside I hand my slip though the glass window. The man takes it from me and gets my parcel. I take the parcel and say thank-you.

By Amy Hughes

Life lesson

7:56 am: On my knees pulling eggs forward and as always, doing the shit that was supposed to be done the night before. Cursing my night guy in my head, I was sure it was going to be a bad day from the start.

7:59 am: Can this day really start out this way? Why do they let the customers in so early! GOD I HATE THIS JOB! GOD I HATE THESE CUSTOMERS!

8:00 am: Still on my knees, I look down at the end of the isle, there she is, the kind of customer I hate the most, the early bird that thinks she is going to get the freshest stuff, fucking up my department already by pushing all the milk to one side so she can get that qt. of skim milk she is so sure has an expiration date of 6 months away! I can’t see her as she pushes her cart right at me, I can only see her ugly ankles and old lady shoes because she is so short. I try to come up with a name to describe the left wheel that is wobbling and squeaking. Le’ squabble? I chuckled to myself. I decide not to move and stay focused on trying to look like I’m doing something important with the egg, not wanting to stand up, I look forward, intently hoping not to be acknowledged. But that never happens; these old people just have to make a stupid remark. And, as sure as shit, I hear “Sir, can you hand me a container of Egg Beaters?”

Handing one backwards, without saying a word, I look straight ahead as if a chicken is going to pop out of the eggs! Then I hear those words I just love so much “These are $2.99 at Hillers Market and a $3.19 is too expensive for me on a fixed income”.

As she hands them back to me, I tell her to go to Hillers! (In my head) “I’m sorry Ma’am I don’t make the prices”.

Forced to turn around, I have to be polite and interact with her. Standing up, I tower over her, and looking down, I am shocked at how damaged her face is! Her mouth is all twisted and gross. I can’t get out of there fast enough! God is she messed up. I don’t say anything as I walk to the back room.

After a few minutes, my thought goes back to that ugly old lady, I come out of the back room and grabbed a container of Eggbeaters.

“Take this free of charge” I say. “We might be a bit more expensive on this, but they don’t have me working there and I’m worth the extra money!”

As she looks at me, she manages to force a smile. “Thank you. You’re a very kind man.”

Out of nowhere I respond with “Partakalo.”
“How do you know I’m Greek?” she asks. “Do I know you?”
“No, you don’t know me but I know you” I say.

Standing there looking down on her, I look into her eyes, and, as my own fill with tears, I hug her and whisper, “I think you’re a wonderful and beautiful person.”
Her eyes fill with tears. We don’t say anything as I put her items in a bag and the cashier finishes ringing her up.

As she is leaving we hug again and I kiss her on her beautiful cheek. She says, “I will never shop at Hillers no matter what the cost!”

I walk back to the cooler and hide in the corner so no one will see me cry. I feel so ashamed for hating that customer.

The cashier comes looking for me, “John, that old lady told me to tell you that you are an angel and she will never forget your kindness. How do you know her?”

I don’t really know her, but I know of her. About 3 months ago, she was on television and they were doing a special on her and her life.

She was a little girl about 12 when the Germans invaded her island. The Island of Crete. She was living in a rural village when a group of German solders came through and terrorised her family. Her mother and sister were raped and killed. Her father was killed also. She was raped and shot point blank with a shotgun in her face and kicked into a ditch to die. After 4 days of lying in the ditch, she was found still alive.

She lived with family members never dreaming any one would want to marry her with such a disfigured face. She was wrong. She married a wonderful man and raised several children.

As the cashier walks away, I think to myself, God I love my job! God I love my customers!

By John McCarthy

Shoes - a novel extract

The first thing I think about about are my shoes. My first pair of heels I bought when I was fifteen. Looking at my fourteen year old sister I realise that I was a little late in life in purchasing the wooden pink strappy wedge which cost all of fifteen euro in a rickety old shoe store on dun laoire's george's street, but wow was I in love with them. I'd wear them to weddings in foxrock, the disco down in donnybrook, and inappropriately the funerals down in deansgrange. Then came the glittery, shiny, patent ones from River Island or New Look, when I first started making the 'big bucks' working in the café. With these shoes I discovered my fondness for Bourjois pretty fuchsia toe polish and my hatred for those water drains which seemed to occupy most of D'Ollier Street late at night. However, when turned twenty-one, when I got my first cheque and saw four figures, I was up with the big guns. It was then when I discovered New York. New York was where I became the Tony Soprano of shoes. My target, Blahnik on 54th street, Louboutin on Madison Avenue and Jimmy Choo on fifth Avenue. These names would strike fear in the heart of any true shoe mobster. My unhealthy collection of suede boots, peep toe stilettos, floral wedges, delicately beaded kitten heels sat back in my Central Park West apartment, mourning my departure in my maple wardrobe. The thought of it brings me back down to reality. Mourning my departure? When would I return? I glance around the bright lime green room with floral curtains and a 12 inch black TV, and realise that I don't know when I'll return to ever wear those shoes again. As my mother returns, humming what sounds like a gospel song and holding two coffee cups, I voice these concerns to her.

'But darling of course you will wear shoes again.' She says with a duhhhh quality to her voice.

'Yes but mum,' I protest. 'These particular shoes, they're….' and pause to catch a breath, 'Indescribable'.

'Don't be silly Sophie who looks at shoes?' she places one cup on my overbed table, I look at it then look away.

'Exactly! Who will look at my shoes with bars of metal around me and two wheels where my ass used to be to distract them.' I sigh, heavily. 'So really, mum there is no point. I wont wear them again.'

My mother's everlasting smile starts to fade and with a pursed mouth she says firmly as if trying to convince herself, 'You will wear them again.'

'Yes but I'll never walk in them again.' I mutter but its too late the smile has returned to my mother's face and she's gone, lost in 'To God be the Glory' or something to that effect. I prop myself up on my elbows further up the bed to look out the window. God I hate being home, clouds are constantly grey over here. Grey should be the colour of Ireland, not green.

'And honey,' she interrupts her humming to look at me with wide eyes. 'Could you not say ass next time please, love, how about bum?' she suggests, with full sincerity. Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, I say repeatedly in my head which makes me remember my sister when she was younger. She would discover new curse words, when I was still living at home and would scream them from the top of her lungs. Words like 'Bitch' and 'Ass' would be screamed every odd week followed by a stern telling off. But my sister always had a swift reply like 'What? I'm talking about a female dog.' or 'Ass, that's another name for a donkey you know.' Now that I think of her I wonder where she is today. She's normally in to me everyday after school. Those curses from her have become a regular occurrence, minus the explanation.

By Jeramae Mac Mahon

Call for more 500 word stories

If you've written something you would like other people to read and comment on send it to us at shortfolio@googlemail.com. Just a reminder that all short stories have to be less than 500 words long to be published here.

If you're in need of a little inspiration, cast your eyes over two 500 word stories from Quick Fiction magazine:

One Word a Day, Five Hundred Days by Rebecca Donnelly

Spot by David Schuman

Quick Fiction publishes 500 word short fiction journals two times a year, so it's worth a look for anyone keen to get published in print.

Timmy the Inquisitive Gopher

There once was a young gopher named Timmy who lived in a state of constant astonishment at the world around him. His bright, eager eyes saw nothing but beauty everywhere he looked. He had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and loved nothing more than to go for long walks with his mother and discovering more and more about the forest.

One day, because Timmy had been very good and had kept his room nice and tidy, Timmy’s mother agreed to take him on a walk. Timmy was overjoyed and practically dragged his mother away as they set off from their den.

As they walked, the young gopher chattered at his mother with a seemingly endless stream of questions about the oaks and the dandelions, the butterflies and the reeds. He eventually broke away from his mother who, weary of being tugged this way and that by her excitable little boy, let him go with a quiet warning to stay where she could see him.

And so they walked deeper and deeper into the forest, Timmy scampering gleefully back and forth around the comfortable amble of his mother. He would run to the limits of his restriction but was always very careful to keep his mother in sight.

Spotting a ladybird, Timmy dashed forward but stopped suddenly as a sound caught his attention. He could hear a distant sweeping hiss unlike anything that he had ever heard before. As he stood listening his mother had caught up to him.

‘Now Tim-Tim,’ she said, ‘we should be heading back. Your father will be getting worried.’

Timmy protested and insisted that he needed to discover the source of this mesmerising sound before they could go home. His mother relented and so on they walked.

The sound grew louder and louder until, at last, Timmy saw a bright break in the trees and could restrain himself no longer. He bounded forward, oblivious to the calls of his mother as she waddled after him as quickly as she could. As Timmy broke through the tree-line he found himself standing on dirt that was soft and yellow and like nothing he had ever seen before. In front lay a great blue band of water that Timmy guessed had to be at least three, maybe four times as big as the river near their den.

He ran forward and found at his feet vast swathes of slimy green, ribbon-like leaves, which he simply had to play with. His mother finally caught up and, remaining near the tree-line, shouted for her son to come home now, dinner would be ready.

‘Just a few more minutes mummy’ Timmy pleaded as he threw the wet green leaves up into the air.

‘No Timmy,’ his mother insisted, ‘We can explore the seaside another time.’

But Timmy was having too much fun to hear his mother as he grabbed handfuls of the soggy weeds and draped then around himself gleefully.

And then a whale landed on him.

By Mark Clarke

Error

In the dim 5 o clock light she could clearly see smoke around the toppled piles of clothes. Somehow it was comforting; it gave her one of the Feelings. Sitting in her red second hand smelling chair, where she could just peak out of the window, the Feeling made her look and breathe in the fresh warm spring air. Her eyes fell on a globe that was displayed amongst elaborate babushkas below on the Street.

She thought about Creation and how it had not been thought through by a being that did not love man or a being that had been hurt deeply and wanted to punish man.

It was time to get going. She picked a black cardigan out of the nearest pile, and thought that she must always smell of smoke with everything lying exposed like that, and decided that she had to start putting it in the wardrobe and furthermore start using body lotion every day. She thought about his hands on her thighs. Then she cried a bit and realized that she couldn’t go out just yet and rolled a spliff, which she smoked out of the window and wondered whether people on the street could smell the smoke. The floating smoke and the thought of Creation with all its errors it was enough to put her in a cheerful mood.

She laughed quickly at a thought, then she had to go back to the Chair and picked up a book from the floor. Paradise Lost, she found another.

Twenty minutes later she was on the Street. Past the Bar first. She might catch a glimpse of him, sitting there with people that she talked to sometimes. Maybe they would tell him something upsetting about her. She wondered if they all saw her there, everyday.

Everything was ruined and she went home and then he was there! And his voice filled her up and she sopped soundlessly into his neck; he took it for passion and opened his pants. She told him she didn't want him, only this, that she was better, because she was Beautiful, and he was nothing. She begged him to love her, but in a language that he did not understand. Almost bursting, she wanted him to finish. What part of the process was it that she craved so much, she wondered suddenly?

She went to the window, trying to make him feel as she felt every time he moved a millimeter away from her.

Later in the Chair she tried to count how many minutes of bliss there had been. Desperately she tried to subdue the Feeling that made her hipbones burn.

She stroked her face, her breasts, her collarbone. Then she rolled a joint and let the Fuzziness overtake, until tonight when she would run into him, surrounded by her fabulous friends. But then he would stroke the small of some other girl’s back and her friends would hug her and say that she was prettier. And she was.

By HFH

My First Springtime Jogging Adventure

I have dug through the heap of shoes in the bottom of the closet, tossing aside a pile of winter boots, moving aside the summer sandals that have been pulled down recently to join the jumble . . . all the while assuring myself that I will organize the closet today, knowing full well that I have said this to myself every morning since we moved in two years ago. I have at last found two jogging shoes that match, still sporting a bit of the dried dirt leftover from their last use months ago. I reach in the drawer and wrestle into my jogging bra and pull on a favorite t-shirt that fit so well last spring. It seems to bunch peculiarly around what used to be a somewhat slender waist, refusing to go down any further unless I resort to some of the techniques reminiscent of those learnt in my sausage-making class – with what appears to be a similar looking result. Oh well . . . out the door . . . When I look down I notice the farmer’s tan that resulted from my brief affair with bicycling. My daughter, a bit aghast at this, reminded me that they did sell spray-on tan products . . . not believing that I would willingly go around in such a state. As I run down the street I wonder how many mornings I may have to do this to make some difference. I place a hand upon my stomach as I run and I am immediately aware of how the poet may have been inspired to write that one’s stomach might “shake like a bowl full of jelly”.

Rather than to be emotional about all of this, I choose to be scientific. . .
The human species prefer the shelter of their hovels during the dark, cold winter months. Retreating at the first signs of cold and darkness to the protection and comforts offered within, cable television, microwave popcorn and Blue Bell ice-cream. Here they feast upon the store of food they have gathered, having anticipated these bleak, dark months. They will only venture out and leave the safety of their shelter to feed when tempted by foods that don’t store well, like Starbuck’s caramel macchiato with whipped crème and caramel or Shipley’s crème filled donuts. During these hibernating months, the humans may find that they have to venture out to replace their secondary skins. Humans are the only species that seem to have lost their fur somewhere, and have resorted to manufacturing the required protective layer in the form of clothing. The female may utilize various forms of this in helping her to attract a mate.

Upon the arrival of spring, the humans emerge to frolic in the sunshine and to mate (depending on if they have a headache). Which brings me back to my original point . . . . I need to go buy a new t-shirt.

By Cindy McMorran

The Room

I woke in the corner of a room. The room was empty and there were no windows or doors. I had no idea where I was, what time it was, or what day it was. I shouted out "Hello, can anyone here me?" But there was just silence. I sat down in the corner where I was previously. I was thinking about what I did last night, but it was hard to remember. I paced back and forth, it felt like hours had past and nothing had changed at all in this room, until I heard a thumping noise against the wall. Thump, thump, thump - over and over again. I ran over to the wall were the noise was coming from. I started to shout "Hey, let me out of here." The second I started to do that the noise stopped. I keep banging and shouting on the wall hoping maybe whoever it was would help me but it was no use.

It seemed like a whole day had past and there had been no change. I was going mad; I started to slam myself against the wall hoping I would go right through it. With all my force and weight, it didn't even seem like I dented the wall at all. All of a sudden the room started to shake. I was getting thrown all over the place and could hardly keep my balance. I fell to the floor and was rolling around. I tried to get back up, but the room was shaking so much that I lost my balance and slammed my head against the wall and it knocked me out cold.

I woke up again, in what seemed to be the same place as the first time. There was nothing I could do, I was losing my mind and I couldn't go on. I had my back up against the wall, and it started to move forward slowly. I jumped up and looked and saw that all the walls were moving in. I started to panic and knew I only had a few minutes left. I looked above - high up there was no ceiling. I knew that was my chance but I had to act fast. When the walls were close enough I put one of my hands on one side and the other on the other side, and climbed up to the ceiling as fast as I could. The space was getting smaller but I had to make it. The ceiling was reachable, and I grabbed on to it and pulled myself up just before the walls completely closed in. I was relived to be out of there but it didn't seem to matter. I was in a bigger room, but this time there was a window down on the far end. I walked over to the window and looked through it. At first I couldn't believe my eyes: I saw a computer with words on it that were written like a story. That's when it hit me, I was not a person - I was a thought.

by Josh Campbell

Sympathy for the Devil

Every day I sit here and I watch him.

The same time everyday, he goes to the same bench, in the same park and he just sits. Lord knows what he does with the rest of his day, that ain’t my business. Hell, I suppose this here ain’t neither, but damned if I ain’t been watching his sorry ass for so long now. It’s got so as the day just wouldn’t seem right without him.

I ain’t never said nothing to him. I don’t know if he even realises that I’m here. Maybe I’m afraid of him but that ain’t the reason. It just wouldn’t seem right to, I guess.

So he sits there, hunched forward, all intense like. Nobody ever talks to him. People give him a wide berth as they walk by. Most don’t even seem to know why or realise that they’re doing it.

He says nothing, in any case. Does nothing. Yet always there’s this feeling from him, a sense, like as if fire and fury were rolling off of him like I ain’t never felt before.

I remember one time I caught his eye as he was getting up to leave. He barely noticed me looking, didn’t seem to give two hoots anyhow. But when I saw those eyes of his, it damn near chilled me right to the bone. Nary a frown to darken that face of his and still I ain’t never seen rage shine so clear.

But the crazy thing of it was that I felt sorry for the guy, you know? It was like I could see, clear as the morning sun, that he had lost something. Something that he had loved so much, so fully, so completely, that when it was gone he was left with nothing. Nothing but emptiness and anger and hopelessness – knowing that, because of his all-encompassing devotion, he could never again be whole.

And so he comes and he sits and he stares out ahead of him, dead-eyed, sombre and intent.

Who knows what he does with the rest of his time? Hell, who knows what he does when he sits on that bench? What he’s thinking about and such.

I’d like to think that maybe, if I’m right about any of this (after all, I am just another guy on a bench here), I like to think that maybe he tries to remember the good times. Tries to put the loss out of mind for a heartbeat.

I’d like to think that, but hell, if I am right about any of this then I honestly don’t believe that the poor son-of-a-bitch ever could.

And so every day I sit here and I watch him. Because, after all, what else have I got?

By Mark Clarke

Tragedy at Santa Ana Central - fragment

This is an incomplete short story written by a Shortfolio reader. It's under 500 words and they would really like feedback and suggestions of where to take it next:

It's a somber Monday. It is not the same "I don’t want to be here" Monday; a different Monday; one Monday that no student in any level ever wants to endure. Even as I pull into the school's entrance, it’s different. Sure, I'm going to school. Sure, I'm driving the same old crappy hand-me-down jalopy to school. I’m going to sit down at the breakfast table with my friends before the first bell rings. I'm even going to the same classes.

No..

Not the same classes. The classes would never be the same from now on.

I try not to think about it. The images. The sounds. The memories.

Sitting down at the breakfast table, my friends' faces mirror mine. None of us said anything. Silence covers the cafeteria, although two-hundred or more students occupy it. It is filled with silence, but I could tell; there was pain. People urge to yell with pain.

I know I do.

My friends and I sit there at our table, some of us with our heads down, others looking at each other, comforting each other, only using our eyes. Each of us keep saying to the other, "It’s going to be okay."


The bell rings. Class is about to start.


My first period English teacher tries to read us Mark Twain, but breaks down in the middle of A Dog's Tale. No one says anything, we all feel the same way. I look around the room and a pain hits me as my eyes reach Dave‘s desk

What used to be Dave's desk.

The girl behind me, Alyssa, touches my shoulder, trying to comfort me. Reaching back, her hand is wet. She'd been crying. She knows how close Dave and I were. She was close to him as well. We were all close. We were the Terrible Trio. We hold hands for the rest of the class, speechless, looking at the desk, silently comforting each other. He died doing what he did best. He died being a friend.

As the day goes on, the silence dims more and more. In between each class, the atmosphere became less dark and morbid, and turned more into a peaceful memorial. Less sniffing and crying, to more hugging and laughing, thinking of good memories of those lost.

None of us, however, could hide the fact that twelve of us would never be returning.

...

By Chase Mooneyham

Submissions request for more 500 word stories

If you would like to submit your short story to Shortfolio, we'd love to hear from you. The stories we've had so far have been of an impressive standard. Just a reminder that stories have to be around 500 words long or less to qualify. Thanks to people who have submitted longer stories. Sorry, they don't qualify for this site. Another site that accepts longer short stories is 3am Magazine, but check their submission guidelines before sending.

Other interesting short story links, picked at random:

http://www.theshortstory.org.uk/

http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative/shortstory/index.html

http://books.guardian.co.uk/originalfiction/0,,1007506,00.html

Friendly Drinks

Ten minutes late as I step off the bus. Right. That probably means I’ll only be waiting about fifteen minutes. Could be worse. Might as well enjoy a cigarette now before I get to the pub. Or should I check in there first? Probably best to check first. Could head off unnecessary problems if the unthinkable has happened and she’s here on time.

Screech of brakes. Jesus, where did that car come from? Apologetic wave, consolatory jog out of the way. Let’s see what we can do about not getting killed today shall we? I’ve got to wake up. Snap out of this. Focus. Right, there’s the pub. Pat the pockets. All present and accounted for. Let’s have a look-see at the money situation. Excellent, a couple of crisp Darwins and change, so no hunting for the elusive non-rip-off cash machine and no card at the bar. Everyone’s happy.

Entering a pub just hasn’t been the same since the ban. All so sterile and stark. Time was when all these fugly-ass people would be shrouded in acrid mystery. Still, no use crying over spilt milk. Focus on the recon. No hidden corners to check so we can just let loose Meerkat-style, crane neck, slight tip-toes, don’t go nuts. Don’t make eye contact randomers, nothing to see here, I’m searching for a specific person. Ok, she’s not here yet. To the bar.

Let’s check the taps. Ah, that’s the one. Friendly tone. Don’t strike up any small talk, you’re too distracted not to end up seeming rude. Cheers, pay, cheers for the change, take your seat. Maybe I should have sat at the one with the paper on it so I could pretend to read and not look like such a loser. Too late now. You’re sitting; it’d just look plain weird to change from one empty table to another. Just do what you always do, take out your phone and delete old text messages.

Ok, that’s that done. Where is she? Stop drinking so fast. What am I doing here anyway? What’s the best that can come of this? ‘I’ve made a mistake’ she’ll say, ‘I want something more.’ And then what? You cave like the dick that you are and experience two more weeks of emotional yoyo hell. Fantastic. Or you could grow a pair and say all the things you wanted to say to her when the dreaded ‘Let’s just be friends’ ball-shriveller was wheeled out last time. Or, more accurately, the things you wanted to say twenty minutes after that happened, as you muttered and fumed your way home.

Crap, there she is. God, she looks good. Stop that. Ok, rise to greet her. What’s going to happen here? Kiss? Hug? Go for the hug. There it is, there’s hugging but she kissed you on the cheek on entry. No matter, you walk away looking daddy-cool. Great. Score one for the hero. So here it is, game face, friend smile, let’s go.

‘Hi...’

By Mark Clarke 2008

In Loving Memory

He received the news of his grandfather’s death on Monday morning at the office. When he told his colleagues, one asked if they had been close. He was unable to answer, but the question stayed with him.
That evening, he strolled around his flat in his underwear thinking. He had known his grandfather his whole life, but never really knew him. What did that mean? Should he be grieving? The question seemed strange. It gave him a weird feeling, so he went for a run.

On the day of the funeral he took a train to Egham. The town’s name was like the food it brought to mind: egg and ham. There was nothing particular about it. It was unimaginative and unexciting.
As his uncle gave the eulogy, he heard sniffing down the aisle. His sister and cousins were crying. Should I be crying too, he asked himself, but then realised he wasn’t feeling any recognisable emotion so he couldn’t cry even if he wanted to.

Following a prompt from his dad a few days later, he visited his gran. She lived in a small newly built house near Egham station. It smelt of mothballs and her collection of thimbles rattled each time a train passed.
He told her to relax; he would make her lunch. She said there was some shepherd’s pie in fridge, but he only found a bottle of off milk and some butter. He checked the freezer. It was full of ready meals, one being shepherd’s pie.
He had to chip through a layer of ice to get it out. A maximum of two months it said the meal should be frozen, but it had to have been in there at least six.
Gran, he called, maybe we should go to the pub.
No answer came, so he popped his head around the door. She was staring into space.
Shall we go to the pub?
After a moment she turned to him, Oh no, dear. Not on a Sunday.
But it’s out of date.
She looked confused. Your grandfather only bought it the day before he passed.
He called his Dad, who said she had been eating like that years. If the rubbish she ate hadn’t killed her yet, it wouldn’t now.
She sat squeezed between the dinner table and sideboard, fumbling the steaming shepherd’s pie around her plate. He couldn’t watch, so he went to the loo.
It smelt of stale urine. Beneath his feet the pink carpet had patches of yellow stains.

When he got home, he paused when he saw the books on his coffee table. They reminded him of his gran’s large print books. He had asked her about them and she had spoken with some excitement, explaining the story she was reading. It was sad; for all her excitement the story seemed mundane and pointless.
Thinking this gave him a weird feeling that he didn’t like, so he went for a run.

At work the next day, his Dad called. His Gran had had a fall.
He left the office and got the first train to Egham, feeling what he later recognised as panic and anxiety. But it was alright because she was ok.

By Dominic Edwards

A Winter Wonderland

I must have been daft making a run for it in the snow.
Even dafter, though, sitting around waiting to be hung.

How far have I come? Not even a mile and stuck under some bleeding bush. And why pick one with spikes all over it. Can’t get any further in, brambles stuck up my arse and hair caught in the branches. Mind you, after three months without a bloody mirror no one`s going to look their best.

What did I think was going to happen, climb over the wall, nobody misses me, stroll to the road, hail a passing drayman and pay him with love in Rochester? I must have been stupid.

I didn’t even mean to kill the silly cow. I loved her for Christ sake. Best sister I ever had but she shouldn`t have taken the piss especially when she knew I was in the mood.

What’s that noise? Oh shit, not dogs. What do they need bloody dogs for? In this snow even someone as stupid as Tickner could follow my footprints. Can’t get any further under this bush. Bloody hell it`s wet and so bleeding cold.

I bet they’ll have their guns, the fat bastards. They reckon the last one to try this got shot giving up, so that’s it, no giving up. But where to go? If I can just make it to the road…

The last ten minutes of life were turning out to be remarkably rational (and cold).

Part of the problem is getting out from under this bush but here goes… That`s it. Out. Bleeding but ignore it, just bloody run.

Water. Yes that’s it, water puts dogs off. Jump.

No chance.

Up to my waist in water - not good. My bloody ankle hurts too. Keep moving… shit its cold. Get to the bank. Up, go on push. Push. It’s not working. I can’t do it. Please, please let me make it. God please. I didn’t mean to kill her. I loved her and, any way, they shouldn’t hang women. They should hang bleeding Tickner. Him and those like him. They treat you like rats just ‘cause you’re in prison and they love killing.

Go down river - it'll be easier. Shit they’re close. Bleeding dogs. They’re not going to come in here though. I’ll drown the bastards! That’s what I’ll do, Bugger ‘em, I’ll drown myself. Tickner’s not having the pleasure and I’m not going back. Stones. I need stones, heavy stones, these aren't heavy enough. This one is. Hold it in my arms. Cross them, I bet that’s what you’re supposed to do.

They’re so close. The dogs, they’ve found me but they won’t come in the water.

Sorry God, I really did try to be good. Sorry Mum, sorry Grandad, sorry Francis, love you…sorry baby Michael…. See you all in heaven. They’re here, Come on Beth…Do it….Go…Now.

By James Kruschev