Lost In Translation

We set out for a nighttime stroll along the lake. The breeze, uncharacteristically warm for November, ruffles through the trees. "I wish we could go out on a boat tonight", I say, glancing at the empty boat docks. "I wish someone would buy us a drink", she says, glancing at all the couples walking past. 

Strolling past the massive ship housing the yacht club, we reach the bench at the edge of the dock. Looking out across the lake, with the city behind us, we talk about everything and nothing. What we want from life, what we will someday name our kids, who we will marry, where we will live.

Hours later, a cooler breeze wraps itself around the dock. Shivering, we call it a night and start the walk back towards the city.

Suddenly, a voice cuts through the stillness. "Girls, hey girls!". A man looks down at us from the deck of the yacht club. "Girls, why don't you come on up for a drink?". Not the types to turn down adventure (or a free drink), we look at each other, shrug, and head towards the ship entrance.

We manoeuvre our way up to the deck, feeling like we are in a more modern and smaller budgeted re-make of the titanic, complete with a grand entrance hall and winding staircases. We are met by the gentleman (Harry) and quickly realize that he is most definitely old enough to be our grandfather. We politely decline his repeated offer for free drinks but accept his invitation to tour the boat. 

Harry asks us where we are originally from and is overly delighted when the answer is Russia. With a wistful look in his eyes and speech not slightly slurred by alcohol, he says "I met a Russian girl, Ludmila, on the internet once". Ten minutes later, we are acquainted with all the dramatic details of the online union and its sad conclusion (Ludmila is now dating a German man). Fifteen minutes after that, when he has asked us the same questions three times and begins to ramble about Ludmila again, we decide that alcohol is the only thing that will get us through another five minutes and take Harry up on his offer to buy us a drink.

An hour and two Stellas later, we walk off the ship. "Well, at least we went on a ship", I say. We walk in silence for a minute, then she says "Perhaps I should have clarified. I would like a young, handsome man to buy us a drink".

Universe, take note.

 By Anahit Gomtsian

A friendly conclusion

For those of you who have read A Friendly Rendezvous and Friendly Drinks by Mark Clarke, you can read the slightly lengthier short story that ties it the two together, A Friendly Conclusion.

Let's hope it all ends amicably...

Email from the author: Weighing in at close to a whopping 2,700 words, the conclusion to the 'Friendly' trilogy is more than five times the size of its forebears. Indulgent editing by Mr Clarke, or a necessity in terms of tying up all of the convoluted plot lines? Only one way to find out... Let me know what y'all think.

A Friendly Rendezvous

This post is a follow up by Mark Clarke to the popular Friendly Drinks story that he wrote for Shortfolio back in January this year...

Ok, so what now? The train is quite literally leaving the station. And so am I.

I've been thinking about this meeting for, like, the last five days now. I've been trying to decide what I want to say to him for five fucking days now and here I am, closing on these turnstiles, still as clueless as I was when...oh shit...where did I put that ticket?

Right, this is going to take a more thorough search than first thought so let's move out of this queue. Don't you sigh at me, you dick. How much of a hurry can you possibly be in that this six second delay to your day has put you out? Especially since you cruised up the escalators, you fat prick.

God I hate digging through this thing. How much of the crap in this handbag do I ever even use? Better safe than sorry I suppose. Oh, there it is. Right where I've never once put it before. That makes sense. I didn't even know it had that pocket.

Ok, take a breath, calm yourself, regain your composure. You're back on street level now and the pub's just round here - but I'll just take a seat here for a second. There's no rush. He's probably not even there yet and this is definitely not a scenario I want to approach without sufficient nicotine in my system.

Light, draw deep, exhale slowly...it's not helping even a little bit. How did I get myself into this situation? How do I always seem to get myself into this situation? I like him - that's not even the issue, of course I like him - but...but there's always that 'but'.

If only we could just go back, go back to when we just liked each other. Before...

'You got a light, sweetheart?'

'Uh, yeah, sure.'

This is as good a time as any to head on. I get my lighter back and head round the corner. There it is. Just head right in there now, suck it up.

It's not too busy, shouldn't be too hard to...there he is. And he's spotted me. No way out now. Do I want a way out? His eyes are wide and he actually gulped as he stood up to greet me. Good grief, who gulps nowadays outside of cartoons? God, he really can be adorable every now and then. I kiss him and step back, his voice cracks slightly;

'Hi' he warbles.

Ok, deep breath. Here goes.




By Mark Clarke

Sylvie (And The Night I Met Your Mother)

Not surprised I feel a bit nervous.

Already I've made a mistake. Spent too long deciding whether to start with items of topical interest or dive straight into the introduction? I eventually decided to dive in with introduction just as the tram leaves the stop I should have got off at. So I`m late, but I`m here.

The agency said she'd meet me at the hotel and if she got there first she would be at the bar and would save me a place. Do a walk past… yes there she is, sitting there with her handbag saving the seat next to her. The only lady… a gloriously lovely single, single lady at a bar stuffed with men who should already be home for tea.

I walk towards her past tables and cubicles with anonymous men and a few anonymous ladies, some in couples but odd ones by themselves pretending to read or playing with their phones.

I`m here, be confident. Say who you are and things will develop… relax.

She sees me move towards the vacant space. Lovely lady moves her handbag and smiles.

“Hello, I’m Heinrich.”

“Hello.” So confident… but with a nice touch of hesitation.

“Hello, I`m Heinrich”…relax.

“I am so pleased to meet you. I am an administrator on the railways and until recently I looked after Mother but now I live by myself”.

She smiles. I hurry on.

“I'm not just an ordinary administrator. I administer all the trains in the south west sector. In good time I have expectations of being the administrator for at least two sectors, a job that would bring a car and a very good pension.”

OK…. a little rushed, but I was nervous. She looks at me… perfect blue (or possibly grey) eyes…I'm in love.

“Perhaps you could reciprocate (relax!) by telling me a little about yourself?”

“Your tables ready” says a man in a suit with a menu in his hand.

“Don't interrupt” was what I am about to say but the words catch in my throat and never make it.

“Thanks Marcel. I'll come through straight away…say hello to Heinrich. He works on the railways.” With that she picks up her drink and is off.

I look around. No one seems to notice me as every part of my being sweats, my skin glows and my chin drops to my chest. No one, that is, apart from the anonymous woman who'd been playing with her phone. She waves. I stand. My legs move. I walk towards her table.

She comes to meet me and holds out her hand. “My name is Sylvie. Are you Heinrich? There were no places at the bar, so I sat here but I have kept you a seat.”

I try to regroup. A hand touches my sleeve. Lovely lady tugs authoritatively. “They've put another seat at my table. I just love railways. Come and tell me exactly what you do.”

Sylvie stares…“Sorry my name's Albrecht,” I whisper.

By James Kruschev

Friendly Drinks

Ten minutes late as I step off the bus. Right. That probably means I’ll only be waiting about fifteen minutes. Could be worse. Might as well enjoy a cigarette now before I get to the pub. Or should I check in there first? Probably best to check first. Could head off unnecessary problems if the unthinkable has happened and she’s here on time.

Screech of brakes. Jesus, where did that car come from? Apologetic wave, consolatory jog out of the way. Let’s see what we can do about not getting killed today shall we? I’ve got to wake up. Snap out of this. Focus. Right, there’s the pub. Pat the pockets. All present and accounted for. Let’s have a look-see at the money situation. Excellent, a couple of crisp Darwins and change, so no hunting for the elusive non-rip-off cash machine and no card at the bar. Everyone’s happy.

Entering a pub just hasn’t been the same since the ban. All so sterile and stark. Time was when all these fugly-ass people would be shrouded in acrid mystery. Still, no use crying over spilt milk. Focus on the recon. No hidden corners to check so we can just let loose Meerkat-style, crane neck, slight tip-toes, don’t go nuts. Don’t make eye contact randomers, nothing to see here, I’m searching for a specific person. Ok, she’s not here yet. To the bar.

Let’s check the taps. Ah, that’s the one. Friendly tone. Don’t strike up any small talk, you’re too distracted not to end up seeming rude. Cheers, pay, cheers for the change, take your seat. Maybe I should have sat at the one with the paper on it so I could pretend to read and not look like such a loser. Too late now. You’re sitting; it’d just look plain weird to change from one empty table to another. Just do what you always do, take out your phone and delete old text messages.

Ok, that’s that done. Where is she? Stop drinking so fast. What am I doing here anyway? What’s the best that can come of this? ‘I’ve made a mistake’ she’ll say, ‘I want something more.’ And then what? You cave like the dick that you are and experience two more weeks of emotional yoyo hell. Fantastic. Or you could grow a pair and say all the things you wanted to say to her when the dreaded ‘Let’s just be friends’ ball-shriveller was wheeled out last time. Or, more accurately, the things you wanted to say twenty minutes after that happened, as you muttered and fumed your way home.

Crap, there she is. God, she looks good. Stop that. Ok, rise to greet her. What’s going to happen here? Kiss? Hug? Go for the hug. There it is, there’s hugging but she kissed you on the cheek on entry. No matter, you walk away looking daddy-cool. Great. Score one for the hero. So here it is, game face, friend smile, let’s go.

‘Hi...’

By Mark Clarke 2008